Hey everyone!
This past weekend was Festival of Champions weekend. The greatest cross country race of the year. The chance to shatter your PR, the chance to run the fastest first mile in a 5k you've ever run, the chance to get the best runner's high of your life.
I was really looking forward to this race. The whole week leading up to it, I felt great. I felt prepared to run in the 18's. I felt prepared to make a statement.
Individually, this race did not go the way I wanted it to.
The past couple of days, I've found myself constantly contemplating the race. The "what-if's" keep popping up in my head; What if I wouldn't have gone out so fast in the first mile? What if I would have pushed myself better through that last 800? What if I would've held on for that final stretch to the finish? What if I would have been more mentally tough? These "what-if's" were eating me alive. I couldn't stop thinking about what I could've done differently to make the end result more like what I was hoping for coming into the race.
After the race, I didn't keep my disappointment a secret. Just by looking at me you would have known I wasn't happy with my race. The first thing I did when I cross the finish line was tear up. It was not what I was hoping for at all. I wanted the runner's high. Why couldn't I have run a race that would've given me the runner's high?
People who noticed my obvious disappointment continued to tell me, "You still did great. You were just one second of your PR. You still finished top ten. Its just one race." While those people's kind voices were trying to lift my spirit, the evil voice in my head kept pushing it down by telling me "You didn't PR. Last year, you were runner-up, this year you got 9th. You didn't improve." At first, I let this voice in my head control how I felt about my race, and I refused to believe that I did run well. It wasn't until a Sunday night FaceTime session with my grandpa, that those words finally began to settle in.
His wise words reassured me of the following things; That race does not define me. It was not my best. I'm not as good as I'm going to get. Greater things have yet to come.
After coming to this realization, I started to look at the positives of Saturday's race. I still placed in the top 10. I was still the 5th-fastest Maine female finisher of the day. I was just a second off of my PR, which, right now is fifth in the state, and I still have the 4, possibly 6, more weeks ahead of me. And the most important of them all: My TEAM was runner-up in the meet. Out of 77 teams, we were able to compete together for a runner-up finish. That's something to celebrate!
Now, I look back at Saturday, still with disappointment, but not because of the race itself, but my attitude towards the race. My bitterness towards others, my sucky attitude…I wish I could take those back. I wish I would've celebrated more with my team. I wish I would've been happier for my teammates, rather than feeling bad for myself. As Anne McKee mentioned in her blog post from this week, (which is amazing and a must-read, might I add), "It's not the end of the world. Just the end of one race."
Today, I'm so thankful for a team that is constantly working hard, pushing each other, and blowing my mind, coaches that are always pursuing me and my talent, trying to do whatever they can to make me better, opponents that push me, a school that supports me, friends and family that believe in me, and especially my grandpa, who reassured me that I am not as good as I'm going to get, and greater things have yet to come.
I would like to finish off by saying congratulations to everyone who competed on Saturday. Festival is not an easy race to run, its super fast and it can hurt like heck. For all those whose race didn't go the way they wanted, do not let it define you. Keep working hard and use it as motivation. It may not have been your best, but those races are those race, and better ones are coming.
Stay motivated!
- Hannah
