In His Own Words: Steve Larkin - The Worst Race Of My Life


The Worst Race Of My Life

Before you ask: yes, it was. And before you ask: I have run a leg of the 4x4 multiple times. Also
before you ask: I don't know my time (the folks at ND Rec haven't gotten the times out yet, but,
based on what I heard from people who finished around me, I think it was around 19:40,) but I
do know it involved me running positive splits so awful they went right past "horrific" and
looped around to "hilarious."

For those of you newer to running than me, here are some tips so you can avoid an equally
unpleasant experience:

You should not race a 5K when it is 93 degrees and humid. Actually, you should not race any
distance when it is 93 and humid, but the longer the race the more intense the suffering. Those of
you who have me on Snapchat can attest to my frequent complaining this week about the
inhumanity of the weather conditions here in Northern Indiana, and Thursday was the worst day.
Those of you who do not have me on Snapchat should thank the Lord, who is a Lord of mercy,
that you have been spared such things. If you absolutely must run a 5K when it is 93 and humid,
you should race on a course with shade, and not on a golf course with maybe ten trees.

Another thing that will help you is having some idea where various distances are on the course.
If you do not know, you will probably end up, in between gasping for air, asking other runners
where you are and receiving unhelpful descriptions of the remainder of the course instead of
answers such as "we just passed the mile mark." It may also happen that one of these answers
will mislead you into thinking that you have about 400m left when you actually have about
1200m left. You will suffer accordingly.

You should also not go out way too fast the first mile and then spend most of the second and
third miles wanting to vomit. But you knew that already.

Lest you think that I lost everything which once made me the glorious Stevie Lark, pride of
Cheverus distance running: know that I pulled off the glorious look known as "no shirt, no
spandex, only skimpy '80s running shorts*." Some traditions are simply too beautiful to be
killed, and know, no matter how good or bad your time: you can always do it in style.

*These are definitely not part of a Cheverus track uniform which I definitely did not keep. Why
would you think otherwise?